Talking about money can be awkward. But what if you need to talk to your partner about your debts? It can be really hard to bring it up. Sometimes it takes a long time to get the courage to do it, and sometimes it never happens at all.
In lots of relationships, people avoid talking about money to prevent arguments. However, ignoring the problem won’t solve it. In fact, it could lead to more serious issues later on, like a breakup or divorce.
Is it surprising that money causes the most stress in relationships? A SunTrust Bank survey found that 35% of people who felt stressed in their relationships said money was the main reason. And in an NFEC Money and Relationships Survey, over half of the respondents said they felt uncomfortable talking about money, even with their romantic partner.
Keeping debt a secret is never a good idea if you want to keep your relationship strong. If your partner discovers it without you telling them, it could really hurt their trust in you—and that’s tough to fix. Being honest about it has lots of advantages and might even make you and your partner feel closer if you talk about it carefully.
It’s essential to identify the factors that caused your debt.
Before initiating such a significant discussion, consider the actions or circumstances that resulted in the debt. Unforeseen events like job loss or unexpected medical expenses are situations that may have been beyond your control.
However, if impulsive spending is to blame, it’s essential to examine why you tend to overspend. Is it to experience a temporary sense of satisfaction, or are you compensating for a lack of possessions during childhood? Identifying the underlying cause is the initial step toward addressing this behavior.
This insight could help your partner look beyond the immediate issue (debt) and understand the root cause. By grasping the “why,” they’re more likely to respond with empathy rather than frustration.
Additionally, it’s important to gather your thoughts and determine the exact amount you owe. Be prepared to share with your partner all the bills and commitments you have, including the total balances on your credit cards.
Prepare a Strategy Before the Discussion
Even more effective is putting a plan into action to demonstrate to your partner your commitment to addressing the issue. This shows that you acknowledge the problem and prioritize paying off your debt. Essentially, you’re not just admitting to the problem; you’re also taking concrete steps to resolve it.
When to discuss the issue of debt
Every matter has its appropriate timing. For such a delicate subject, choosing a calm environment where both of you can feel at ease is essential. If you have children, ensure they won’t disrupt this crucial conversation. If your partner appears stressed or fatigued after a busy workday, it’s best to wait for a more suitable time.
Allow your partner time to process the information.
If you’ve ever withheld troubling information, you know the anxiety of eventually sharing it with someone. However, once it’s out in the open, it stops being a secret, and the process of healing can commence. Conversely, for the person caught off guard by this news, the experience can be quite different.
Following the saying, “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst,” it’s likely that your partner will initially feel betrayed and surprised. They may begin to wonder, “What other secrets are you keeping from me?” Allow them the space they need to process the information, and don’t be surprised if they require time to gather their thoughts. Eventually, they will be prepared to have a discussion.
Be ready to respond to inquiries.
Your partner will likely have inquiries such as how you accumulated the debt, how long you’ve been in this situation, and why you kept it concealed. Be ready to provide comprehensive and truthful responses. If you’re going to confess, it’s best to be transparent by revealing all the details.
Collaborate with each other.
Involving your partner in finding solutions is an effective method for rebuilding trust. It can also aid in identifying the most suitable approach to resolving financial matters together as a couple. If your partner suggests ideas, be receptive to them. An unbiased viewpoint can offer new insights.
Thoroughly review each bill together.
Analyze your bills to identify areas where you can reduce expenses. Do you really need to order takeout four times a week? Are you making the most of your gym membership? Redirect the money saved towards paying off your debt temporarily.
This is also a good time to talk about making a budget and what it should include. Having a spending plan can help you avoid this situation again in the future.
Plan future goals with your partner after paying off the debt.
In every relationship, there are two individuals. While you function as a couple, you also have your own aspirations and objectives. Engaging in a conversation about money offers a good opportunity to talk about your future financial aims. If you’ve previously had such conversations, it’s a good idea to revisit them and see if anything has shifted.
Certainly, clearing your debt is a primary focus. However, once achieved, you may find yourself with surplus funds each month. Before allocating these funds elsewhere, it’s crucial to prioritize saving for both short-term and long-term goals.
But do you truly understand your partner’s desires? It’s essential for both of you to talk about your visions for living a fulfilling life both now and in retirement. If your partner dreams of a modest life in the mountains while you envision a luxurious lifestyle in Beverly Hills, finding a middle ground is crucial. The sooner you align your goals, the simpler it becomes to save money to support the lifestyle you both agree upon.
If you feel overwhelmed by this entire process, consider seeking assistance from a financial advisor or planner.
National Debt Relief offers assistance in reducing your debt to an amount less than what you owe. Additionally, you’ll receive guidance from professionals who can address your inquiries and recommend strategies to help you stay debt-free in the future.